Why I’m a Pessimistic Romantic

I consider myself a pessimistic romantic because it’s the most accurate way to describe myself. I’ve had my share of heartbreak—mostly due to my own stupidity—but  I found happiness with my wonderful husband Eric. Right now I’m living my dream of being a wife and mother to two wonderful boys. I can’t believe how lucky I am…seriously I can’t believe it. So as I write this, I imagine someone visiting my site years from now and my latest entry is about a bitter divorce. It’s a screwed view of life, but it’s my view. Luckily my husband doesn’t take offense to my thoughts.

I’ve been obsessed with happily ever after and prince charming since elementary school. When I read my old diaries, I want to throw up at my naiveté. Every entry was about boys. Who I liked? Who liked me? Who my friends liked? It was sickening. It’s no wonder that I was set up to be unlucky in love at some point. I believed the fairy tale was real—men really did love you after one conversation, or better yet after seeing you across the room—until puberty hit. Suddenly the romantic notions of a young girl met the harsh reality of adolescence. Guys don’t fall in love with you after one chance meeting. They may fall in lust, but even that was dumb luck. Mostly young guys were just out to increase the number of chicks they could screw before high school graduation.

Now don’t take this to mean that all of my young life was heart-break and pain. In between the crappy guys, I dated some really nice guys. I had a Valentine every year until my freshman year of college (the year I re-named Valentines “the commercialist pagan holiday”). I can’t even blame the crappy guys for my heartbreak, I learned to take full responsibility for my part of my stupidity. It was liberating for me, and has made it easier for me to accept the person I am today. That’s why I continued to believe in the fairy tale. Whenever I kissed a frog—that never turned into a prince—there was usually a knight waiting in the wings. I just wasn’t into knights at that point in my life. Too safe and secure. Needless to say, by sophomore year of college I was back on track and have had a Valentine’s ever since.

 I guess my point is that I always believed that, even though relationships and those flings in between could suck, I would one day get married and have kids. I did lose faith right before I met my husband. I resigned myself to becoming a single-bitter woman in my usual overly dramatic fashion.  But then I realized that life was too short to get caught up in waiting for the fairytale. I needed to do

I kissed many frogs before finding a prince.

me, enjoy life and keep moving. As soon as I embraced that I met my husband. I wish I could say our courtship was all starlight and roses, but it wasn’t. It started with some pretty messed up crap, but by then I realized that if something was meant for me then it would happen. And it did. Eight years later we’re still together.

Even with my life the pessimism is still there. Ask my family and they’ll tell you I’m the queen of worrying. I’m prone to a random freak out that the world will come to an end in 2012. I’ll admit that I wonder why I plan for my kid’s future, and work hard on my writing career, when we’ll all be obliterated within a year. But after I come back to Earth, I realize that life isn’t about the bad things that might happen. It’s true that my husband and I may call it quits in 5, 10, or 40 years, but why obsess over that now. Right now we love each other. Right now we are both happy and feel so blessed to live the life that we live. That is all that I can believe in right now. I found my prince charming. And in between all of the bullshit, lying and cheating I had some really great relationships. That’s why I’m more romantic than pessimistic. When you’re living the fairytale you might as well enjoy it. At least until the prince turns back into a frog.

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About Synithia W
I write love stories filled with passion and drama at night, I improve air and water quality during the day, and I love my husband and kids in between.

2 Responses to Why I’m a Pessimistic Romantic

  1. Danita says:

    I love it–the fact that you’re blogging and that you’re a pessimistic romantic. The latter, I think, is just a hilarious but honest way of admitting that you’ll never give up on love. And you shouldn’t. However short our time here may be we always need a love story, a dream.

    The blog looks terrific and I really, really love your “About” feature: writing at night, saving our air and water by day, lovin’ the family in between. Perfectly expressed 🙂

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